In the words of the worlds friendliest rocker, Dave Grohl, A little bit of resolve is what I need now. Yes, people, it is that time of the year once again. The end. Where we make a list of all of the things we intend to do next year that are positive but never seem to actually achieve. They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. If this is the case, that must be the most well maintained and wonderful driving road, well, ever!
Last year was a little different to all of the years before it. I actually managed to achieve a couple of my resolutions, much to my amazement. The giving up of the cancer sticks was the highlight of course.
So I figured that quitting was a pretty big achievement for the year so I have decided to set myself another goal for 2013 that is similar in difficulty and some not so daunting ones as well. Drum roll please………….
1: As a show of discipline ( something I have always seemed lack) I will not eat chocolate for the entire period of 2013. That’s right people. One whole year without even a single M&M. No chocolate bars, no chocolate cakes, no chocolate flavoured anything, not even a hot chocolate.
I have a massive sweet tooth, a whole mouth full of them actually. Recently I was reading an article about a group who were pushing to put health labels on chocolate. “Warning, this will go straight to your ass ? ” It made me think of the health warnings on cigarette packets and struck me as the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard of. Then I thought about how much chocolate I would eat in a one year period and imagined it all laid out on a table. I shuddered, it was a tad scary.
The scariest part was that I felt that quitting smoking may actually be easier than quitting chocolate for me. Whoah, I think we have a problem here! The effects of sugar and excess consumption of it on our bodies is no big secret so this is how I came to the conclusion that I would be giving chocolate the flick.
At first I felt a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. The sadness crept in. It felt a bit like I was abandoning an old friend. After all, chocolate and Greys anatomy have always gone hand in hand. M&M’s during a movie, a staple. Chocolate was there to pick up the slack when I quit smoking. What a warped logic, similar to using marijuana to give up heroin. Both are bad for you, just in different ways.
So just a quick note to any of my friends who may be reading this. If you choose to give a gift of chocolate at any time this coming year, please do not be offended when they end up directly in the rubbish bin. After this years chocolate Christmas fiasco, I will not be letting them pile up on my desk again as consequently, that huge chocolate stockpile did eventually make it to my ass cheeks.
What is that noise you say? Oh don’t worry about that, it is just my pants getting ready to burst at the seams. Nothing to worry about as long as you are standing at least 100 metres from the “splash zone” This is an expected yet unwanted side effect from eating a 1.3 kilo box of Whitmans Sampler.
2: The second resolution for 2013 is to not eat take away food. At all. Not once. Zilch, Nada. Now I will take a moment to define take away as this is a hotly debated issue in my house. My definition of take away for the purposes of this resolution is basically anything that is not a whole food or that I have not made myself.
For example: An apple is a whole food, a packet of Doritos is not. There i a few simple rules that I will use to help me make my food choices this coming year.
* If it did not have a mother or grow out of the ground, Don’t eat it.
* If it comes to me via a bag through my car window, Don’t eat it.
* If it has ingredients that I cannot pronounce or ingredients that are made up of only numbers, Don’t eat it.
* If my great grandmother would not recognize it or know what to do with it, Don’t eat it.
This decision comes as I find myself becoming intolerant to many things that I was once able to enjoy without worry. Whilst I always had a sensitivity to lactose, now i find some disturbing symptoms appearing when eating highly processed foods and foods that are primarily wheat based. While I am reluctant to jump on the gluten free band wagon, I have been reading some convincing argument about why we are becoming so intolerant to the grain in question.
3: Exercise at least 3 to 6 times a week. This is an easy one. Ideally yes, I would like to train 6 days a week but realistically setting my goal for 3 training sessions is going to at least keep me active for those weeks when life jumps in the way of that weight session.
There are other resolutions to do with the personal, study or business departments of my life but I won’t bore you with those.
It is now 10:30 am on the last day I can eat chocolate for the next year. I have a packet of M&M’s to my left. A cherry ripe to my right and a box of Cadbury’s favourites downstairs, a remnant from the chocolate gift bonanza of last week.
I am going off now to do my best impression of a human garbage disposal. If I am not in a diabetic coma by tomorrow I will be back soon with another update.
Until then, Happy New Year readers. Let’s make it a safe and prosperous 2013 !