Girl? Boy? Or…Sasquatch???

The general consensus between my family and friends seems to be that I am having a boy this time. I have to say that I am inclined to agree even though it actually goes against what I thought was my destiny but I will explain about that in a moment.

Many reasons have been given behind their pick of sex ranging from gut feelings, the way I am carrying to the sheer fact that this pregnancy has been so drastically different from my last. I hate to tell them but it could go either way, I mean, the odds are fifty percent it is one or the other right?

At the risk of sounding a bit flaky I went to see a medium once and she told me quite certainly that I would have two babies without the need for fertility treatment. They would both be girls and the first one would be within the next 12 months. After ten years of no baby I thought, yeah whatever but then along came Daughter number one right on schedule. I became convinced that she was right about everything but I guess our destiny is constantly changing to stay in line with free will and the decisions we make in life.

The reason why I am starting to lean towards maybe carrying a boy is because of the sheer amount of hair that I am currently growing. For that reason, I must apologise that it has been so long between blogs. My daily tweezing, waxing and plucking rituals have gotten way out of hand and it is taking up way more of my spare time than I care to donate.

The PCOS has always kept things interesting when it comes to black, fast growing hair in weird and unwelcome places but this is a whole new species of animal right here. My expanding stomach has developed the loveliest black snail trail. Inch long, straight, thick and black. The very same kind of snail trail that might be coveted by some men with washboard abs. The problem here is that I am not a man and I most definitely do not have washboard abs!

My husband and I were spending a rare moment lying in bed together the other morning when he began to stroke my lower back. With his usual lack of discretion, diplomacy or even self preservation he asked me if pregnancy makes you grow more hair. I raised an eyebrow and told him that sometimes it did, why did he ask? I then proceeded to warn him to think through his answer very carefully before delivering it lest he experience what happened the last time he referred to me as ” preggo” . Needless to say, the bruises from that little slip up are still fading.

He had asked me because apparently I have a patch of hair growing on my lower back now that could sustain its own ecosystem and may explain why I have been feeling warmer than usual lately. The logistics of waxing, plucking or even threading my own lower back started to do my head in but there sure as hell was no way that I was going to go anywhere publicly to have it done. I decided that it would stay and I would try hard to embrace my inner wolf man.

In a rare show of speed and accuracy, I answered my husbands question and statement about my current rate of hair growth with a swift elbow to the exact same region where his bruise was from the last episode of ” how to piss off your pregnant wife in ten seconds or less”

I feel compelled to say that In no way do i encourage domestic violence but seriously people, who in their right mind calls a pregnant and dangerously hormonally imbalanced woman “preggo” and “hairy” ?

A dead man walking, that’s who!

For now, the question will remain. Does this excess hair growth signal the arrival of a baby boy? Am I just getting hairier with age? Or am I giving birth to the worlds first Sasquatch baby to be born in captivity? Only the 20 week scan will reveal the answer. Perhaps.

Until then……happy waxing.

Ageing gracefully? …..not on your nelly!

I heard the alarm go off this morning and knew that I should get up. I really should wash, dry and straighten my hair, apply a respectable amount of makeup and in general, just try to make myself presentable for the workday ahead. If this was going to have even the slightest chance of happening, I had to get up now. Right bloody now.

My four year old had crawled into bed with me last night and was sleeping peacefully next to me. I didn’t want to get up. I just wanted to cuddle her and lay in bed until oh, say…noon, watching cartoons and eating toast in bed. But no, I had to get up now.

I looked at the wardrobe door. Behind its mirrored surface was the dryer, straightener and ever growing collection of cosmetics. Grrrr, I really had to get up right now. For a moment, in my head, I reverted to a five year old. ” but I don’t wanna get up, I’m still sleepy” I said to myself in my best childish whiny voice.

Childish whiny voice won the battle, I rolled over and cuddled my daughter for another five minutes. Of course before I knew it I was dozing and five minutes turned into half an hour and all hopes of makeup and sleek glossy hair went out the window. When I finally got up, I had accepted that teeth brushing, hair brushed and swept away with head band and deodorant were about all I could hope for now.

Husband was already in the shower as I stumbled into the bathroom. Our bathroom is unfashionably small and impractical and it is turning out to be a hazardous place for my increasingly pregnant frame. I stumble into walls, knock things off of the tiny, narrow shelves and just generally create havoc while I am in there.

This morning, whilst plucking a surprisingly black, thick hair that had cropped up overnight from my chin ( thanks PCOS) I noticed the sun glinting off of something on the top of my head. I leaned in closer for a look. This resulted in me knocking over and potentially destroying my electric toothbrush and nearly spilling a whole bottle of eye makeup remover.

I leaned in further. What did I find? A freaking grey hair. Pointing loudly and proudly straight up from my head. Gleaming in the sun like a beacon to guide lost seafarers back to shore. I slammed open the shower door. I possibly broke shower door in the process but to hell with that, there were more pressing matter at hand here.

” what colour is this hair” I demanded in a voice a little to high pitched and panicky for my liking.
” ummm, it’s grey, sorry Hun ”

It took me less than a second to pull that bitch out and I had to restrain myself from combing through every individual strand looking for its partners in crime. I still had a child to dress, teeth to brush and now it was more important then ever that my hair be hidden underneath a head band.

As I stormed off to the bedroom, I pondered my old fading stretch marks from my first pregnancy and the ability of the new stretch marks to begin to form even though it would have seemed there was no room for more. I thought about the patches of delightfully dimpled cellulite that this pregnancy has brought to the backs of my thighs.

Today I literally feel like I am deteriorating at a rapid pace. I am still a sensible person and have no intention of running off and having various plastic surgery procedures that will result in me looking like a really badly made up drag queen ( cue pic of Pamela Anderson ) but I am definitely not going down without a fight.

Needless to say, I found time for makeup this morning. The fate of the entire western world depended on it.

Does anyone know CPR? Resuscitating the healthcare system.

I have not ever seen an advertisement for a job vacancy within our local public hospital system. However, after my visit today I imagine it would look a little something like this……

Job Vacancy
Medical Receptionist
Bendigo Health

Must have relevant medical experience and be able to demonstrate complete and utter disinterest in all patients.

The ability to be rude to even the nicest of patient will be viewed favourably.

Please send resume and three references from people you have been recently rude to within the last fortnight to the manager.

………………………………

As you may have gathered, I have just returned from my booking in appointment. Yes folks, my time has come once again to make my way through the maternity maze and hopefully come out the other side in one piece, physically at least. Mentally may be a different thing all together.

The midwives were nice. The clinic ones always are. Somehow they never seem to be the same ones you get on the ward though. I did require some extra blood tests that my GP forgot about so off I went in search of the new pathology place. It would have been nice if someone had told me that the hospital pathology department now only caters to emergent patients or patients on a Saturday morning. For everyone else you now have to walk outside of the hospital and about five minutes down the road to an inconspicuous looking building situated in a very strange spot.

I found it, eventually, after much walking around like a doofus. I entered and looked upon a room full of people sitting quietly and no reception desk. I looked again. Nope, still no reception desk. After a minute or two of looking like more of a doofus, an elderly gentleman pointed to a small table hidden over in a corner. Apparently you just take a number and sit down. Eventually a blood letter will materialise and call your number. I was number 17. I think I just felt the day get longer.

After the blood letting I then had to make my way a little further up the road to radiology to make my 19 week scan appointment. Upon entering and presenting my referral I was told that they did not handle the obstetric scans here and that I had to go back to the hospital. Grrrrrrrrr. I think I may have audibly growled at that point.

It was now 11am and 2 hours had passed since my 9am appointment. I was getting hot, flustered and of course, now I had to pee as if civilisation itself depended on it. Deep breath. Onwards towards the “other” radiology. Which just so happened to be across the road, up a steep hill and around the other side of the hospital.

I walked through no less than ten people standing in the entrance way to the radiology smoking their cigarettes and wondered if I should go back to maternity and update my details about my smoking status as I now felt like I had just chugged down a whole packet myself. Of course, there was a line. I lined up, I waited.

Once I was seen by reception I presented my referral once again and was cut off mid sentence and told to go around the corner to desk number four. Okey dokey then, around the corner I go to find desk number four in complete darkness. Back around to the front and on the end of the line once more. I felt like a kid in that South Park episode where they go to a theme park and line up for. Ride that turns out to be just another line. After all, it is not a true theme park experience without the lining up and waiting is it!

Once I made my way to the front again and informed the receptionist that desk number four was in fact closed she rolled her eyes and told me to go to desk two then. As if I should have already known this and was wasting her precious time.

Desk two had a sliding glass window complete with lock and key. Behind said window was a plump and in no way pleasant looking woman who was furiously typing something into her computer. I smiled as her eyes darted up to meet mine but my smile was not returned as she went back to typing. I shuffled on my feet for a moment wondering if she was going to open the window anytime soon. She must have realised I was not going away so she finally decided to open the window and snap at me “next please” . I turned my head. There was nobody behind me.

My referral made a third appearance and this time the lady snatched it from me and read it with a deep sigh of frustration.

“What is this for”
” my 19 week scan” I replied.
“When do you need it for”
” well when I am 19 weeks pregnant I assume”
( eyes rolling) well how far along are you now”
” 15 weeks so I guess I need it no later than the 10th of may”

A this stage the woman’s eyes rolled so far back in her head I actually became concerned that she was having a seizure. She snapped at me something about being booked out until June so she may not fit me in, I shouldn’t have left it so late.

What the hell! I was given the referral an hour ago, how much sooner could I have gotten there!
Well I had ju st about had enough by this point so my pleasant demeanour quickly morphed into pissed off mama mode.

The following exchange went a little something like this……

” excuse me, the fact that you are booked out until June is neither my problem or my fault. My first booking in appointment was an hour ago, I was given the referral then. The hospital have been aware that I am expecting since I was four weeks pregnant. That was eleven weeks ago. They only decided that they needed to see me today. I appreciate you are busy, I am busy also and I don’t see why I should have to be subjected to rudeness when I am simply following an instruction given to me by my midwife.”

Well, her tune changed a little then and what do you know. Magically an appointment became available on the 10th of may. What a miracle!

Finally I was done, safely in a taxi on my way off of the hospital grounds. My phone rang. It was the midwife. Se had forgotten a blood test. Could I come back and get the referral.

No way, not on your life. She is now posting it to me. I am free. Until Monday for my next appointment. God help me.

Holidaying in hell.

Every year we take a couple of short breaks. It has come to my attention that some of the surrounding business owners think that our practice of going away at Christmas and Easter is overly indulgent and has caused us to become the target of much jealousy and criticism. What a joke!

As business owners, my husband and I work very hard. Much harder than we ever had to for our wages working for someone else. As a result of our efforts and the fact that hubbie is incredibly good at what he does, we book out for six to eight months in advance with work meaning that poor hubbie has to work all day and most nights until the wee hours of the morning to keep on top of it all. That will teach him to take pride in his work :p

As you can imagine, working 80 plus hours a week soon takes a toll on ones health and well being so we make sure to close for a week or so a couple of times a year for a recharge. If that makes us indulgent then so be it. I would rather be indulging by the beach for a short while than indulging in the mental health ward after a mammoth nervous breakdown but to each his own I guess!

This Easter we decided to go somewhere other than our usual beach destination. This time we went inland and booked a holiday house in the grampians, Halls Gap to be precise. For the second time in my life, I used stayz.com to source the accommodation. It was a long selection process due to the fact that almost every property in halls gap is a holiday rental and they are all roughly the same price. They really did not cut me a break in the sense of refining my search criteria.

A the end of the day I wasn’t looking for the Ritz, it just had to be comfortable, clean and with the modern conveniences one would expect. Namely heating, cooling, washing machine etc. I eventually made our choice after being phoned personally by the property owner after making an online enquiry. His answers to my questions along with the beautiful property photos sealed the deal and we booked and paid.

We worked long and hard and no matter how stressed we became, we just held on to the fact that come Easter we would have a week to unwind in the grampians. It was our life line. I should have known right there and then not to put so much stock into one thing. It was a recipe for disappointment.

The day of the holiday finally arrived. Google maps told me that it would be an easy two and a half hour drive to our destination and as we headed off I began to program our destination into the new GPS we had purchased as a joint Christmas present. The Navman seemed to have trouble finding this easy two and a half hour route and decided that the fastest it could get us there was in three hours. Oh well, I thought. We weren’t in a hurry so off we went. I chose the fastest route which also happened to be the most economical and the easiest according to the Navman.

Before long we were directed onto a series of narrow dirt roads that weaves through various farm paddocks and barren landscape. Never at any point were we warned about the inclusion of dirt roads in our route selection so it was quite a surprise. After quite a while of winding and weaving through the unknown we eventually came to a cross road where a sign informed us that we had intersected the Pyrenees highway. The Navman had decided that it would be best for us to ignore the presence of a sealed highway with a green sign pointing the way towards our destination. Instead it thought it best that we cross over the highway onto yet another unsealed road barely wide enough to accommodate our little Holden cruze.

Yeah right, not happening Navman . I threw that useless piece of junk into the glove box and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief once our tires were gliding effortlessly back on the bitumen. We had been winding through back roads for nearly an hour by this point so imagine my surprise to find out that we had actually only just managed to make it to a town that is no more than twenty mites from home.

Nerves were frayed, tempers were rising and child was beginning to whine in the back seat. We decided to pull over for a brief rest break to get back into a positive mind set. The drive continued and we headed towards Ararat where we intended to do some grocery shopping for the holiday house.

Pregnancy has begun to lay havoc with my back and shoulders with a lot of nerve pinching and muscle pulling of late. I have been struggling with a bit of sciatica which is interesting and painful but about 20 minutes from Ararat I became aware of a pinched nerve in my shoulder that started with a slow nervy throbbing. By the time we got to the supermarket, my shoulder and arm was on fire. Nerve spasms were racking through it and I was a as close to tears as I have been for a long time. My first instinct was to go for the nurofen. I ran into the supermarket and straight for the medicine aisle. There it was, nurofen, my saviour. I grabbed at the nearest packet and then remembered I was pregnant, I should check to see if this was ok for me to take. I nearly cried again when I read the back of the box.

” do not take during the first trimester of pregnancy and especially during the last 2 trimesters. ”

What the hell? So basically, don’t take it at all while pregnant. I was distraught and grabbed my iPad to google the reasons why. I was not convinced. Well it turns out it can cause birth defects of something so the box got roughly thrown back on the shelf. I bought what I thought I needed for the holiday but I was so racked with pain that I was incapable to stringing a sentence together let alone planning a menu.

When I got back to the car I remembered I had kids panadol in the luggage. Don’t judge me people but I was so desperate I ripped the lid off of that bottle and just took a big chug straight from the bottle. I fell back int the car and strapped myself in for the long wait to see if it would work.

The rest of the drive, thirty minutes or so was in eventful and we arrived at the holiday house just as the pain started to ease off in my shoulder. Which was great as I was going to need all the strength in my arms that I could muster to slam doors and cupboards as I walked around the holiday house from hell in a state of unadulterated fury.

Our “secluded and private” was surrounded on all sides by other houses, one of which we could clearly see into from our bedroom window. Secluded my ass. It turns out that the owner of the house is a photographer by profession so the carefully angled and filtered pictures served to lull us into believing that we were renting a lovely, private, modern and fully equipped holiday home.

What we actually got was a dilapidated weatherboard kit home from the mid seventies that had not even half of the inclusions we had been promised. Within minutes of arriving and still seething, there came a knock on the door. A plumber had arrived to fix the toilet that was not working. He informed us after about twenty minutes that he had done the best he could and that we could flush it but that it was leaking all over the floor so to keep towels down. He would not have time to fix the leak while we were there.

The washing machine was present but with a little hand written note on top informing us that it was not operational. Further inspection of the guest book showed that it had in fact been broken for nearly a year and the owner decided that he really couldn’t be bothered replacing it. Cupboard doors didn’t close, walls had cracks through them, exhaust fans were mouldy and the place was just generally filthy. The beds were horrid, the insects inside the house were unwelcome and the cutlery and crockery was dirty. I believe this to be due to the fact that there was no dishwasher so the previous visitors weren’t really all that fussed about not giving me food poisoning.

We ended up leaving early for two reasons. The first being that without the use of a washing machine, we soon ran out of clean clothes and towels. The nearest laundromat was a forty minute drive away so the thought of spending half a day driving and washing did not appeal. The second reason was the unwelcome visitor I had in my bedroom the night before we left.

If you have never been woken up by a huntsman spider the size of a slice of bread tap dancing across your face then I can tell you now not to bother adding the experience to your bucket list. Thinking of it even now still makes me shudder. I love nature, don’t get me wrong, just not nature with eight legs, on my face.

And of course any bitch session about holiday accommodation would be incomplete without photos….
enjoy, I know we didn’t!

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The very hungry caterpillar

14 weeks in and a very familiar yet still very strange feeling has begun in my tummy. I must say that I have been most surprised by the subtle squirming I have been feeling from time to time as I had not expected to experience it yet although apparently it does happen earlier with the second baby or so I have been told.

These first few movements always kind of creep me out a bit. Oh come on, don’t act so shocked, when have I ever struck you as that eternally maternal mommy! I’m just telling you how I see it. The first movements are weird. It feels like a small alien is squirming around in there. I swear that if one didn’t know they were pregnant they would be certain that they had some kind of parasite living in their digestive tract.

Personally, I prefer the more definite movements that happen later on. The kicks to the ribs and such. But then again I have always been a glutton for punishment!

I can’t help but think of my squirming baby as the very hungry caterpillar. I have a strong urge to eat one of everything that the caterpillar eats in the book to appease it. Maybe everything but the leaves. I try to steer clear of unidentified plant matter as a rule.

The good news this blog is that I have been nausea free for weeks now, thank you very much! The bad news is that this signals the return of my appetite and someone might want to pass on the memo to my brain that being pregnant is not an excuse to eat everything in sight.

On my recent holiday I ate way more chicken parmigiana than was socially acceptable. Even the mention of chicken parmy has my mouth watering as we speak. I am also experiencing a brief yet intense flirtation with mayonnaise. Which is disturbing seeing as I recently found out that it is one of the most calorie dense, bad for you, fat ass inducing foods known to man. And there is no 99% fat free Praise crap in my fridge. We are talking full fat, whole egg American mayo.

Great, now I want to eat a chicken parmy with mayo on the side. Hmmmm, breakfast of champions? I think not.

I also read recently that I should expect to put on between 11 and 16 kilos this pregnancy. Mostly in the next three months, second trimester. The same article also mentioned that regardless of that recommended weight gain, the actual weight gain during pregnancy seems to be closer to 20 to 30 kilos among women in Australia at the moment.

30 kilos, are you freaking kidding me! I am literally petrified at that thought. Considering that the birth of the baby will shed maybe 10 of those, that leaves an extra 20 to dispose of after all is said and done.

Holy biggest loser batman. I really have to get this eating thing under control now otherwise you will have to read my baby weight woes in about 6 months time. As of now, I have not actually put on any weight. Still the same as the day I fell pregnant so those parmy’s have yet to absorb into my ass cheeks. I may just go home and dispose of that jar of mayo however, before it is too late.

On a side note, next Monday is the dreaded checking in appointment at the hospital. “Shudder”
So I anticipate that I will be spending most of this week getting worked up and anxious about my return to the maternity ward from hell.

Wish me luck.

Size 15 & 3/4 – the curse of the muscle memory.

This winter I predict that I will be suffering from a major, season long wardrobe malfunction. My prediction is based on the current fashions on offer for the upcoming seasons. Hideous is not a strong enough word. It really isn’t. I am talking about the normal fashions too mind you. My brief and vastly unsatisfying venture into the maternity section had me gasping in horror at the slim offerings that I would not even consider using as pet bedding let alone actually wear them on my ever expanding frame.

Yes, I am only three months pregnant. Yes I am already looking at clothing alternatives and let me tell you why. Usually the phenomenon of muscle memory is a good thing. It means that a person who has previously built muscle mass at the gym and let themselves go can find themselves bouncing back to their former rippled glory much quicker the second time they go to shed the flab. Their slackened muscles remember the routine and jump back into their jobs of making that sleeveless shirt look fabulous.

Pregnancy does weird things to a lot of muscles, primarily abdominal ones. I got about half way through my first pregnancy before I had to consider maternity wear. This time I will not have that luxury. The muscle memory has kicked in and my body has started it’s expansion project, onwards and outwards.

Almost the moment I became pregnant, my body answered the call. It was all ” oh we know what to do here!” And to my dismay I am now finding that a mere 12 weeks in and my choices of apparel are shockingly limited. I actually look pregnant now. 2 weeks ago I just looked I had been hitting the maccas drive through on a regular basis but now I think it is becoming blindingly obvious that I have a bun in the oven, not a Big Mac.

Maternity wear had always been a bit of a bone of contention for me along with anything bridal. Those two niche markets have always given me the shits based on the fact that anything to do with either of them comes with a massively over inflated price tag for no reason other than that they can.

If I was a stay at home mum, I would be tempted to spend the winter in trackies and one of my husbands hoodies but we have the issue of work here. I need to look at least part way presentable. And that is so not going to happen thanks to the target maternity range of burlap sacks.

The thought of pumpkin patch maternity makes my wallet break out in a cold sweat. I would struggle to buy my daughter a winter coat there for under $100 so I shudder to think what a maternity one would cost. I really don’t want to have to take out an overdraft through the business to clothe myself this season. Is there anyway that this can be a tax write off? Nah, I didn’t think so.

For those of you who have never been pregnant and are suggesting that I buy normal clothes but a size or two bigger, let me diplomatically point out one of the many flaws in your suggestion. Pregnant women do not put on their baby weight evenly distributed across their entire body. Bigger clothes may accommodate the expanding tummy but will swim and look like tents everywhere else. No thanks.

So it seems I am in a quandary and I will put it out there to my readers in blog land. Any suggestions for perhaps online maternity wear that is presentable and reasonable in price will be most appreciated. After all, it only needs to last one season, we are not talking haute coture here!

Follow the yellow brick road.

Here we are at the magical 12 week point. Three months, one third of the bun baked and approximately 200 odd days to go until we hop aboard the roller coaster of bottles, nappies, sleepless nights and stress once again. I feel much more prepared this time mostly because I am under no delusions of how ” easy it will be” or how ” it won’t really change our lives that much” ha!

In the true fashion of ignorance indeed being bliss, I set myself up to fail with my first pregnancy with my laughable optimism. My husband and I threw lots of hilarious statements around our friends and families about how we were going to handle being new parents just fine. I was certain that my adorable little infant was going to sit peacefully in a rocker at my feet, looking up at me adoringly as I worked for hours on end without distraction.

My friends who were without children agreed whole heartedly with my delusions as it made them feel confident about their futures once they decided to get on the having a baby merry go round. My family and friends with children smiled indulgently and nodded their heads whilst mentally preparing some popcorn and a comfy chair so they could settle in and enjoy the circus once the baby arrived. They knew. And they didn’t tell me! Months later, sleep deprived and looking bedraggled, they would ask me ” how are you finding motherhood?” With that sly little half smile. It was then that I realised I had been punked.

The reality was harsh and stark to my happy little delusions. And it hit me immediately. There was no grace period. No cooling off period for me to ease my way into motherhood. One minute I was pregnant and confident about how things would be and the next I was a mother with no clue what the next five minutes would hold let alone further into the future.

I feel asleep in Kansas and woke up in Oz. Except in the movie, when Dorothy is in the tornado and there are farm animals flying around her, I had bottles, nappies and strangely possessed babies who never slept and vomited a lot flying around me. There was no yellow brick road, only the well worn path that we walked up and down the hallway in a desperate bid to get our daughter to sleep.

My life became a whirl wind of sterilising, bottle preparation. No I did not breast feed. It was and remains my choice and if it offends you are welcome to be offended elsewhere but I digress. Nappies and washing load after load of a million tiny articles of clothing became priority. Sleep was a mythical creature with only unconfirmed sightings by unreliable sources. Someone, somewhere was getting it, it sure as hell wasn’t me.

My daughter never sat in the rocker I bought for the purposes of being stared with adoration while I worked. She hated it. Needless to say, there was not a lot of work going on. Or cooking, or exercising, or socialising or romancing or any of those things I was so sure would be unaffected by the arrival of the tiny bundle of joy.

It was a shock to the senses. One that I struggled with immensely. I know a lot of first time mothers feel the same. Like we got duped. Like why the hell didn’t anyone warn us or try to talk some sense into us back when we maintained that we would be back at the gym five hours after birth because that’s how great we were going to be at this whole parenthood thing. Many many mothers feel this way but don’t say it out loud. The fear is that if we verbalise how much we are struggling or how this wasn’t at all what we expected then we will be perceived as weak or unfit to be mothers. So the vast majority keep it bottled up and soldier on. Some with the aid of anti depressants.

The truth is that it is not really a big conspiracy. It is not that our friends and family want to see us fail. It is just that if they did try to set us straight, we would most likely ignore them. The same way that parents look at a slightly older child misbehaving will tell themselves that their precious child would never behave that way, we tell ourselves that we will be different. Somehow we have this magical parenting skill that our friends and family before us lacked. Wrong , wrong, wrong. Your child will behave badly one day, they will embarrass you at some point. You absolutely will have moments in your new foray into parenthood where you will struggle, feel inadequate, unsure of yourself and like a failure.

You are not a failure, you are a normal, functioning human being albeit with hormone levels still out of whack but normal all the same. So when you get asked the inevitable question of how you are finding motherhood, don’t feel like you have to front. Answer honestly. Motherhood is complex at first, terrifying, exhausting. It can be a struggle, confusing, contradicting and thankless. The hours are long and the pay is terrible. You will never be offered a promotion, a company car or an all expenses paid business trip to Vegas.

But it is also rewarding, in the end it is always that. The first three months are going to feel like the longest of your life while you are living it and once your baby is older, you will feel like you blinked and you missed it. Just another one of these motherhood contradictions at play. Just remember that you are entitled to feel how you feel and it is nothing to be ashamed of. We all start off clueless and you just have to listen to your gut instinct and do the best you can.

Even though it seems impossible at the beginning, your confidence will grow as your baby does and things you once found such a struggle will seem so easy you can do them in your sleep. Ahhh, sleep. That magical word. You will get it back. Some sooner than others but you will sleep again I promise. You will learn things about yourself, your partner and your baby that will surprise you. You will find an inner strength that you never knew was there. Along with the strength you will find endurance and instinct. You will learn to communicate with your baby in ways that transcend words.

Beyond all of those things and the countless other ways that being s mother enriches your life, you will discover a capacity for love like nothing you have ever felt before and the powerful and fierce protectiveness that only a mother can have for her child.

The bad is short lived, the positives outweigh them in the end. Hang in there momma, things are gonna get better. Oh, but I’m sorry to say, they pay is always gonna be shit!