Size 15 & 3/4 – the curse of the muscle memory.

This winter I predict that I will be suffering from a major, season long wardrobe malfunction. My prediction is based on the current fashions on offer for the upcoming seasons. Hideous is not a strong enough word. It really isn’t. I am talking about the normal fashions too mind you. My brief and vastly unsatisfying venture into the maternity section had me gasping in horror at the slim offerings that I would not even consider using as pet bedding let alone actually wear them on my ever expanding frame.

Yes, I am only three months pregnant. Yes I am already looking at clothing alternatives and let me tell you why. Usually the phenomenon of muscle memory is a good thing. It means that a person who has previously built muscle mass at the gym and let themselves go can find themselves bouncing back to their former rippled glory much quicker the second time they go to shed the flab. Their slackened muscles remember the routine and jump back into their jobs of making that sleeveless shirt look fabulous.

Pregnancy does weird things to a lot of muscles, primarily abdominal ones. I got about half way through my first pregnancy before I had to consider maternity wear. This time I will not have that luxury. The muscle memory has kicked in and my body has started it’s expansion project, onwards and outwards.

Almost the moment I became pregnant, my body answered the call. It was all ” oh we know what to do here!” And to my dismay I am now finding that a mere 12 weeks in and my choices of apparel are shockingly limited. I actually look pregnant now. 2 weeks ago I just looked I had been hitting the maccas drive through on a regular basis but now I think it is becoming blindingly obvious that I have a bun in the oven, not a Big Mac.

Maternity wear had always been a bit of a bone of contention for me along with anything bridal. Those two niche markets have always given me the shits based on the fact that anything to do with either of them comes with a massively over inflated price tag for no reason other than that they can.

If I was a stay at home mum, I would be tempted to spend the winter in trackies and one of my husbands hoodies but we have the issue of work here. I need to look at least part way presentable. And that is so not going to happen thanks to the target maternity range of burlap sacks.

The thought of pumpkin patch maternity makes my wallet break out in a cold sweat. I would struggle to buy my daughter a winter coat there for under $100 so I shudder to think what a maternity one would cost. I really don’t want to have to take out an overdraft through the business to clothe myself this season. Is there anyway that this can be a tax write off? Nah, I didn’t think so.

For those of you who have never been pregnant and are suggesting that I buy normal clothes but a size or two bigger, let me diplomatically point out one of the many flaws in your suggestion. Pregnant women do not put on their baby weight evenly distributed across their entire body. Bigger clothes may accommodate the expanding tummy but will swim and look like tents everywhere else. No thanks.

So it seems I am in a quandary and I will put it out there to my readers in blog land. Any suggestions for perhaps online maternity wear that is presentable and reasonable in price will be most appreciated. After all, it only needs to last one season, we are not talking haute coture here!


Behold my ever expanding ass.

I may have figured out how to keep the worst of my morning sickness at bay. It is actually relatively easy but I fear the worst for my waistline. I have found that if I eat every couple of hours, even something small , the nausea seems to be a bit less severe. It is still nagging me but not so debilitating. The item to be eaten has to be a bit fatty and proteiny to have any effect however. Don’t you just love my made up words…proteiny, hehe!

This is great news for my stomach and terrible news for my ass. Most people say not to worry too much about pregnancy weight gain. As if we get a free pass to put on 30 kilos or something. It is a bit hard for me not to be a little concerned especially as I have just spent the last 6 months focusing so hard on weight loss and ass shrinkage.

I did not actually put on any weight with my first baby until the very last week. Even though I had the meanest heart burn and was basically eating nothing but mylanta and quick ease, I managed to squirrel away 9 kilos that last week, 4.5 kilos each cheek to be precise. I need not have despaired too long though. I lost 13 kilos in the 10 minutes it took to have my c-section. So yeah, I ended up weighing a lot less than when I started. I got cocky about it though and put on 10 kilos within the first year. I fell victim to the ” I just had a baby and I will eat cheesecake if I want to ” attitude.

I could start putting some limitations on myself right now but I figure I will let the nausea phase pass and then get back into some light weight bearing exercise and back into my bike riding before my centre of gravity is annihilated.

So I am having my first scan tomorrow. At 7am. Yep, you read right. Apparently staff cuts in the health sector mean that there are not as many sonographers on roster. If I could not do the crack of dawn appointment it was going to be another 4 weeks before I could have my first scan. Ridiculous!

I was told by the receptionist that I was to wake up at 5:30am and void my bladder fully. Then I had to drink 5 glasses or 1.25 litres of water before my appointment. Dear lord, give me strength! I am going to assume that 7am appointment time means first cab off the rank. Surely they can’t keep me waiting and hopping about awkwardly for too long, right?

Another eye opening thing I learned about the current chaotic state of our health system is the sheer unwillingness to want to do scans at all unless it is an emergency. I read on my referral with some alarm that I needed an ultrasound as I had been experiencing some bleeding. What the hell ? Does my GP know something that I don’t? I rang back and asked for an explanation. He told me not to worry about that ,if he did not write that there was some sort of complication then they may refuse to do the scan for weeks.

Considering that we still have no real idea of my due date and my past history of ovarian cysts, a scan early on to determine a viable pregnancy is pretty important. This is especially so because I have scarring of the Fallopian tubes due to removal of cysts. This puts me at high risk for an ectopic pregnancy. So the crux of it is that our gp’s have to lie in order to have access to a scan that would have ordinarily been as standard as your antenatal blood tests.

Private health you say? Ha, what a joke. If you live outside of a major city, private health in obstetrics is nothing more than a private room with a couple of thousand dollar price tag attached. Whether you go public or private here, you get who you are given when it comes to doctor. There are no obstetricians taking private patients. We all go through the clinic the same as everybody else. I actually asked my health fund provider whether it would be worth it about a year ago and the nice lady on the phone basically said to save my money. That’s a big thing coming from someone who’s job is to sell, sell, sell.

So, sorry state of our health system aside, tomorrow morning, not so bright and early I will be getting the first pictures of my uterine boarder. Hopefully I will have a picture to share but perhaps they have cut the funding for printer paper. At this point I would not be surprised. Should I start getting husband to do some Internet research on home c-sections? I fear where the health system is going! Never mind, it is all worth it to have another one of these……